It’s time for another Storytime with Kal, where I share true stories about my life that usually involves being chased by birds. This time we are straying away from tales of my bird fear to talk about the multiple times that I tried to turn into a mermaid as a child.
If there is one thing that you should know about me, it is that I have always been obsessed with mermaids, mermaid lore, and the sea. Perhaps it was growing up near the beach in San Diego or the fact that I saw The Little Mermaid in theatres when I was five and then proceeded to destroy not one but two VHS copies over the subsequent years of my childhood. Who knows where it began, but I know for a fact that my passion went to the next level after seeing the movie Splash when I was like eight.
It is no coincidence that both the year of my birth and the premiere of this movie is 1984 (or that one of my favorite books happens to be of that year). I think we are kindred in this way. Because most of you have probably never heard of this romantic comedy starring Daryl Hanna and Tom Hanks, here is the trailer for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to pay attention, there will be a quiz at the end of the post!
I C O N I C
What this movie told my eight year old brain was that all I needed to do to live my best mermaid life was to take a bath with salt and my tail would appear.
Cue me sneaking into the pantry to take the Morton’s Salt into the bathroom, filling the bathtub, and taking four-plus hour long baths while adding more and more salt to the tub until there wasn’t any left. And being really upset when I didn’t change, so I tried a couple of times before my parents caught onto where the heck all the salt was going.
It would be really cool if by sheer willpower I could become a mermaid, like how Jenna Marbles wants to become tall. I believe in me beech, I can do it.
I still wish that Splash held some secret truth to unlocking my mermaid tail, but until then I will have to settle for going to Dive Bar and watching the mermaid swims while drinking Jameson and Cokes.
What mythological creature do you wish you could transform into? Am I the only one that tried desperately as a child to become a mermaid?