Going on a Patreon Adventure: My Avian War Origin Story (I was chased by a flock of seagulls)

(Last Updated On: August 28, 2019)

Greetings friends and welcome to Patreon Adventures where the topic is decided by my Patrons over on Patreon. Once a month I add an extra post to my schedule, and it could be about anything.

If you’ve been around for awhile, chances are you’ve seen one of my storytime posts. Most of which involving birds and their conspiracy against me. This month my patrons demanded another tale of woe of this Kaleena and her avian foe.

Kal versus A Flock of Seagulls

This might have happened back in 2004, but I remember this day vividly as if it happened yesterday instead of fifteen years ago (holy crap I am old).

My friend and roommate at the time, Jess, and I used to have what we called Random and Spontaneous Days where we would decide to hang out and just see where the day would take us. On one fall afternoon we decided to head down to Belmont Park to ride the roller coaster and play in the arcade like the responsible 20 year olds that we were.

Photo credit: Belmont Park

As a note: if you are ever in San Diego and want to have some fun, Belmont Park is where it’s at. It’s a beachfront amusement park where parking and admission are free, and it’s a ton of fun!

Okay, back to the story!

So Jess and I went to Belmont Park to ride the roller coaster and eat fair food. Mmm, delicious fair food. It was a fun adventure, after which we randomly and spontaneously decided to go to eat burritos (are we surprised?) on the beach itself. I always carried a beach blanket in the trunk of my car like a good SoCal gal, and we sat down to watch the waves, chat, and eat.

I remember we looked behind us and there were a couple of seagulls watching us eat. We laughed and continued to eat. And the bird cawing got louder. And we looked up and a bunch of seagulls had surrounded us in a circle.

We. Were. Surrounded. By. A. Circle. Of. Seagulls.

They were creeping me out.

I finished eating my burrito and went to the water.

Jess left her burrito nub on the blanket and joined me.

The coven of seagulls wasted no time leaping upon the burrito nub and I assumed that they would leave us alone since the food was gone.

They did not leave us alone.

So we decided to leave, laughing all the way back to the car about how random and spontaneous our Random and Spontaneous Day had turned out. And then noticed the flock of seagulls were waddling behind us. Excuse me. The food is gone.

We got into my car safely and thought it was over. I remember pulling out of the parking lot to go back around Mission Bay and a flock of mopeheads surrounded the car. I literally had never seen a flock of mopeheads before and haven’t since.

We may have played So I Ran as we escaped the coast, feeling rather lucky that we didn’t get shat on. In my head I remember the song coming on but I don’t know if the radio played it or if it was us. Nonetheless, LOLOL

I genuinely think this experience is what began my fear of birds and their deciding to mess with me. To hunt me.

Thank you so much to my Patrons for supporting me and my content! I hope you enjoy this month’s post and I can’t wait to see what you all choose for September.

Michelle  |  Sam  |  Haley  |  Destiny  |  Bex

If you would like to support my work for as little as $2 per month, check out my Patreon!


Am I the only person who seems to have been named Avian Enemy #1? Let’s chat in the comments!

spacer_wLet’s go on another adventure together!


  1. Meaghan @ Words Gremlin

    August 28, 2019 at 7:13 AM

    Kal omg you have REALLY managed to get in the avian bad graces. 😂 Exactly how many of these Birds’ Public Enemy #1 stories do you have??

    1. Kal

      August 29, 2019 at 11:38 AM

      I think I only have 2 “I was stalked by peacocks” stories left untold on the blog, but I am sure that I will have more horror stories to share in the future. Because I must have done something horrible to birds in a past life.

      1. Meaghan @ Words Gremlin

        August 29, 2019 at 12:15 PM

        Oh geez PEACOCKS? You really must have done something terrible. I look forward to hearing the stories though?

        1. Kal

          September 8, 2019 at 2:12 PM

          I must have been a bird killer in a past life

    2. Alys

      August 30, 2019 at 3:44 AM

      You had one heck of a day there lol. Maybe the seagulls have some mission that has something to do with you lol — just kidding haha!

      1. Kal

        September 8, 2019 at 2:31 PM

        That would be an interesting story: a bird plot to save the world by fucking with someone who is destined to ruin things.

  2. Michelle

    August 30, 2019 at 3:27 AM

    Oh my god Kal. How do these birds hate you so much?? I’m the complete opposite, birds seem to love me. Maybe when we meet up one day, we should take a trip to the beach to see whether their hate for you or their love for me is stronger.. wouldn’t that be a nice experiment? xD (and if their hate is stronger, at least you’ll have a good story afterwards)

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 2:30 PM

      I don’t know, I think they can smell my fear. I never forgot the time when a seagull pooped on my head whn I was like 6 and flying a kite down by the bay. And that sounds like a lovely experiment to bring more tales of woe!

  3. TheCaffeinatedReader

    August 30, 2019 at 4:14 AM

    I literally snotted on myself a little because I laughed so hard reading that and I still have hay fever. Honestly, I love being a patreon just for things like this alone, I NEED MORE HILARITY from your traumatic memories! Half jk!

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 2:35 PM

      I am glad you find my PAIN so amusing, Haley! jk, mostly! Honestly I am glad that you enjoyed the post and find the ability to bring these posts forth worth it!

  4. Sophia (Bookwyrming Thoughts)

    August 30, 2019 at 8:45 PM

    HECK YES MORE BIRDS WITH KAL! *rubs hands together* (Okay, as much as I love bird time with Kal, I do prefer you being alive.) Also what did you to the birds??? It’s like you’ve drawn the birds hate me card at some point in your life and they’re just seeking to destroy you. Really, they would be destroying greatness.

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 2:41 PM

      I appreciate your preference for my living. Me too. I honestly am convinced I did something HORRIBLE to birds in a past life because this is just bad luck and they are hell-bent in their war.

  5. Monthly Wrap || August 2019 – the words gremlin

    August 31, 2019 at 7:10 AM

    […] Kal @ Reader Voracious continues the saga of birds versus her entire existence! […]

  6. Marta

    August 31, 2019 at 11:58 AM

    i DESPISE seagulls!!! I can’t stand them, especially when they give me side-eyes. My friends and I have been attacked several times because we happened to have food on our hands. Once, one even followed for a good while!! I don’t think I ever screamed so loud or ran as fast as on that day haha

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 2:52 PM

      Seagulls are the literal worst! I’ve seen them legit fly up to people on the boardwalk and take their fish and chips from their hands! Ballsy fuckers. It’s terrifying to be followed by them though, I feel not alone right now knowing this happened to you as well

  7. Meeghan reads

    September 1, 2019 at 6:52 AM

    This is somewhat hilarious (I mean, it’s really hilarious, but I’m trying not to hurt you by laughing a lot). Sending hugs, Kal, and many thanks for sharing this!! 💕

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 3:06 PM

      If anything, I am glad these stories bring my friends joy!

  8. Kelly | Another Book in the Wall

    September 1, 2019 at 5:27 PM

    Hahahaha, I truly don’t know why these birds area always out to get you! Also, the fact that you played I Ran is beautiful beyond words. 😂

    1. Kal

      September 8, 2019 at 4:27 PM

      I don’t know what I did for such bad bird karma, lol!

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