Going on a Patreon Adventure: My Avian War Origin Story (I was chased by a flock of seagulls)
Greetings friends and welcome to Patreon Adventures where the topic is decided by my Patrons over on Patreon. Once a month I add an extra post to my schedule, and it could be about anything.
If you’ve been around for awhile, chances are you’ve seen one of my storytime posts. Most of which involving birds and their conspiracy against me. This month my patrons demanded another tale of woe of this Kaleena and her avian foe.
Kal versus A Flock of Seagulls
This might have happened back in 2004, but I remember this day vividly as if it happened yesterday instead of fifteen years ago (holy crap I am old).
My friend and roommate at the time, Jess, and I used to have what we called Random and Spontaneous Days where we would decide to hang out and just see where the day would take us. On one fall afternoon we decided to head down to Belmont Park to ride the roller coaster and play in the arcade like the responsible 20 year olds that we were.
As a note: if you are ever in San Diego and want to have some fun, Belmont Park is where it’s at. It’s a beachfront amusement park where parking and admission are free, and it’s a ton of fun!
Okay, back to the story!
So Jess and I went to Belmont Park to ride the roller coaster and eat fair food. Mmm, delicious fair food. It was a fun adventure, after which we randomly and spontaneously decided to go to eat burritos (are we surprised?) on the beach itself. I always carried a beach blanket in the trunk of my car like a good SoCal gal, and we sat down to watch the waves, chat, and eat.
I remember we looked behind us and there were a couple of seagulls watching us eat. We laughed and continued to eat. And the bird cawing got louder. And we looked up and a bunch of seagulls had surrounded us in a circle.
We. Were. Surrounded. By. A. Circle. Of. Seagulls.
They were creeping me out.
I finished eating my burrito and went to the water.
Jess left her burrito nub on the blanket and joined me.
The coven of seagulls wasted no time leaping upon the burrito nub and I assumed that they would leave us alone since the food was gone.
They did not leave us alone.
So we decided to leave, laughing all the way back to the car about how random and spontaneous our Random and Spontaneous Day had turned out. And then noticed the flock of seagulls were waddling behind us. Excuse me. The food is gone.
We got into my car safely and thought it was over. I remember pulling out of the parking lot to go back around Mission Bay and a flock of mopeheads surrounded the car. I literally had never seen a flock of mopeheads before and haven’t since.
We may have played So I Ran as we escaped the coast, feeling rather lucky that we didn’t get shat on. In my head I remember the song coming on but I don’t know if the radio played it or if it was us. Nonetheless, LOLOL
I genuinely think this experience is what began my fear of birds and their deciding to mess with me. To hunt me.
Thank you so much to my Patrons for supporting me and my content! I hope you enjoy this month’s post and I can’t wait to see what you all choose for September.
Michelle | Sam | Haley | Destiny | Bex
If you would like to support my work for as little as $2 per month, check out my Patreon!
✨✨✨
Am I the only person who seems to have been named Avian Enemy #1? Let’s chat in the comments!
Let’s go on another adventure together!
Meaghan @ Words Gremlin
August 28, 2019 at 7:13 AMKal omg you have REALLY managed to get in the avian bad graces. 😂 Exactly how many of these Birds’ Public Enemy #1 stories do you have??
Kal
August 29, 2019 at 11:38 AMI think I only have 2 “I was stalked by peacocks” stories left untold on the blog, but I am sure that I will have more horror stories to share in the future. Because I must have done something horrible to birds in a past life.
Meaghan @ Words Gremlin
August 29, 2019 at 12:15 PMOh geez PEACOCKS? You really must have done something terrible. I look forward to hearing the stories though?
Meaghan @ Words Gremlin
August 29, 2019 at 12:15 PM!!
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:12 PMI must have been a bird killer in a past life
Alys
August 30, 2019 at 3:44 AMYou had one heck of a day there lol. Maybe the seagulls have some mission that has something to do with you lol — just kidding haha!
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:31 PMThat would be an interesting story: a bird plot to save the world by fucking with someone who is destined to ruin things.
Michelle
August 30, 2019 at 3:27 AMOh my god Kal. How do these birds hate you so much?? I’m the complete opposite, birds seem to love me. Maybe when we meet up one day, we should take a trip to the beach to see whether their hate for you or their love for me is stronger.. wouldn’t that be a nice experiment? xD (and if their hate is stronger, at least you’ll have a good story afterwards)
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:30 PMI don’t know, I think they can smell my fear. I never forgot the time when a seagull pooped on my head whn I was like 6 and flying a kite down by the bay. And that sounds like a lovely experiment to bring more tales of woe!
TheCaffeinatedReader
August 30, 2019 at 4:14 AMI literally snotted on myself a little because I laughed so hard reading that and I still have hay fever. Honestly, I love being a patreon just for things like this alone, I NEED MORE HILARITY from your traumatic memories! Half jk!
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:35 PMI am glad you find my PAIN so amusing, Haley! jk, mostly! Honestly I am glad that you enjoyed the post and find the ability to bring these posts forth worth it!
Sophia (Bookwyrming Thoughts)
August 30, 2019 at 8:45 PMHECK YES MORE BIRDS WITH KAL! *rubs hands together* (Okay, as much as I love bird time with Kal, I do prefer you being alive.) Also what did you to the birds??? It’s like you’ve drawn the birds hate me card at some point in your life and they’re just seeking to destroy you. Really, they would be destroying greatness.
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:41 PMI appreciate your preference for my living. Me too. I honestly am convinced I did something HORRIBLE to birds in a past life because this is just bad luck and they are hell-bent in their war.
Monthly Wrap || August 2019 – the words gremlin
August 31, 2019 at 7:10 AM[…] Kal @ Reader Voracious continues the saga of birds versus her entire existence! […]
Marta
August 31, 2019 at 11:58 AMi DESPISE seagulls!!! I can’t stand them, especially when they give me side-eyes. My friends and I have been attacked several times because we happened to have food on our hands. Once, one even followed for a good while!! I don’t think I ever screamed so loud or ran as fast as on that day haha
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 2:52 PMSeagulls are the literal worst! I’ve seen them legit fly up to people on the boardwalk and take their fish and chips from their hands! Ballsy fuckers. It’s terrifying to be followed by them though, I feel not alone right now knowing this happened to you as well
Meeghan reads
September 1, 2019 at 6:52 AMThis is somewhat hilarious (I mean, it’s really hilarious, but I’m trying not to hurt you by laughing a lot). Sending hugs, Kal, and many thanks for sharing this!! 💕
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 3:06 PMIf anything, I am glad these stories bring my friends joy!
Kelly | Another Book in the Wall
September 1, 2019 at 5:27 PMHahahaha, I truly don’t know why these birds area always out to get you! Also, the fact that you played I Ran is beautiful beyond words. 😂
Kal
September 8, 2019 at 4:27 PMI don’t know what I did for such bad bird karma, lol!
Tag: The Folk Of The Air – Jamsudreams
September 6, 2019 at 2:14 AM[…] Kal @ Reader Voracious […]